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Glee/HSM: The Email Fic of Doom

Title: Untitled.
Author: fissijo
Fandom: Glee/High School Musical crossover.
Pairing: Ryan/Chad (HSM), Sam/Quinn, Kurt, assorted other Glee Clubbers mentioned
Rating: PG I guess.
Word counts: 4135 Words. Yes, you read that right.
Summary: After being disowned by the family and moving to Lima Ohio Sam Evans gets back in touch with his favourite cousin Ryan.
A/N: Much MUCH thanks to pyroclastic for the beta here. All remaining issues are my own. Yes the grammar is meant to be that mad, as is the spelling.
Oh come on, they both have the surname Evans, it was just too easy to make them cousins. Set after HSM3 and during S2 of Glee, potential spoilers up to Episode 5 of Glee, AU after that.
Disclaimer: I like playing with shiny toys. Glee belongs to RM (if it were mine Puck and Mike would be shirtless a WHOLE lot more often for one thing), HSM is Disney's. I make no profit from this (thank God, I'd be starving if I did!)



Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: Hey man.

How’s NYC? And Julliard?

Lima sucks BTW. Started school this week, its okay I guess. Tried out for the football team, coach seems good though the team is awful. Get this, there’s this guy in a wheelchair who wanted to try out? Seriously. Coach threw him out and the old QB.
Some of the guys on the team said I should try out for the glee club, what do you think? I know Sharpay said I should never bother singing again, but it looks like fun.
Better go writing this in the library (don’t want mom seeing im emailing you)
Sam.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Hi Sam.
New York is great, so many shops so little time. Not really done much yet, I love it here. My schedule is INSANE for the first semester, I may go crazy.

:( sorry it sucks. Did you get onto the team?

You survived Shar’s family talent shows, glee club should be easy compared to that. Ignore Shar, she was totally out of order saying that.

Ryan.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Go crazy? You’re a Evans, I thought madness was part of the deal?
Glad ure having a good time.

GET THIS. I made the team. QUARTERBACK! First game is tomorrow, wish us luck, coach’s aims are pretty much “don’t suck”.

Still not sure about glee, from what I’ve heard theres a girl who pretty much makes Sharpay look like a kitten. Someone said she sent this new girl to a crack house because she tried out. And shes not been seen again – the new girl that is. I’m not scared or anything, I could totally handle myself, but just no.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Oh hahaha. Grandpa Evans may have cut you guys out the family but youre still an Evans, means your crazy too cous.

How did the game go? Sorry I’ve not written sooner, been working on a piece for dance class, it’s going to be AMAZING.

OMG seriously? A crackhouse? You’re not in Kansas anymore Toto. We must never let Shar meet her, sounds like they would be some sort of unholy alliance if they worked together. Can you imagine it?

Gotta go, Kelsi wants me to work on something with her.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Crap. I’d say the madness had missed my side of the family, but you’ve met mom.

Game sucked, got flattened by their Left Tackle, busted my shoulder. Not QB now.
Try and get video of ur dance stuff, would luv to see it.

Joined Glee. Can’t play ball now so had to do something. Doing duets this wk, this guy Kurt wants to sing with me. I dunno, he seems cool but I don’t think its what Mr Schue had in mind.
Finn says the missing girl transferred to another school, they were all bummed about it cos she was like really good.

Should do some homework, mom’s gonna expect good grades – I keep telling her I’m working so I can email. Oops.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

OUCH. Hope ur feeling better soon. That’s the good thing about dance, I can’t get knocked out by some overgrown ape-boy.

Yay for Glee. Is the guy any good though? If he is you should totally go for it. They don’t need the girl, they’ve got you now. Or something that sounds less lame. What stuff do you sing?

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Shoulders getting there, working out again now at least. Oh, I didn’t tell you, coach totally had a change of heart, Artie’s on the team now. That’s the kid in the wheelchair I told you about. Turns out theres nothing in the rules to say they can’t just use him like a battering ram. Its actually kinda cool to watch.

Why do some people suck so much? After Kurt asked me to be his duet partner this other guy Finn, the old QB, went off at me how singing with him would kill my reputation at the school or whatever. So what? Kurts AMAZING. Like actually amazing, he sent me a whole bunch of mp3’s of him singing and everything, there’s one in there of him singing Defying Gravity - I’ve listened so many times it’s top of my iTunes chart. In three days. And Finns like practically his BROTHER now and he’s telling me not to.
Then Kurt found me after practice. Like while I was in the shower. And told me he was setting me free or whatever. To be honest I wasn’t paying much attention, I was naked (he wasn’t) and he was right there which should have been totally freaky but it wasn’t.
So I ended up singing with his girl Quinn. She’s head cheerleader and totally sweet and cute. We sung Lucky. We won the whole duets competition :) (I would have totally voted for Kurt, he sung with himself in the end - something like la jazz hot, not sure but he was GOOD - but Quinn told me I had to vote for us.)
I think I have a girlfriend now. Huh.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Glad ur getting better. I told Chad about your football team, he said he’d really like to see that battering ram move in action. I think hes already trying to figure if they could work it onto the basketball court. Boys.

Some people just don’t understand Sam. Just out of interest is Kurt… I mean would I get on with him? I’d never admit it to Shar, but I guess I was lucky at East High, most of the not nice jocks were too scared of Sharpay to mess with me. I wouldn’t want to be in your place that’s for sure.

Cheerleader girlfriend, go you. What’s she like?

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Tell Chad I’ll try to record it next game if im still on the bench. Which I prob will be. Stupid shoulder. And tell him I said hi and all that, how are you getting on with him being at UofA and you in NYC?

Yeah, Kurt and you would get on real good. He kinda reminds me of you. A lot. He even dresses a bit like you, less pink though. I think between you and him there would be a hat for every day of the year though (and matching bags, scarves, boots - the boy likes boots).
Quinn was telling me he spent like all of last year crushing on Finn. Which is like EW. It would be like you crushing on that Troy guy you told me about. PLEASE tell me you never crushed on him. We could do with Sharpay here to deal with some of the hockey guys, such asses.
Quinn told me they chuck people in the dumpsters and stuff if they are dorks or different or whatever. They’ve already slushied me a few times for joining glee club.

Quinns cute. And nice. And sweet. :)

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Long distance relationships SUCK. That’s all I have to say about that. Also thank god for Skype. When we can of course. Dad’s already complained about the size of my phone bill. So I bought a phone he doesn’t know about, haha!

No, I never crushed on Troy. Well maybe for like a week or something in junior year. But he was singing so pretty, I can totally be excused that right? If Kurt reminds you of me he must be *fabulous* :D Boots, I need more boots in my life, perhaps you could find out where he gets them for me, I’d only want the best afterall.
Slushied? I don’t want to know do i?

Yay, I’m happy for you.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Yay for Skype! We should totally try to get online at the same time – when mom’s out of course – and chat properly, at least on iChat (so you can still chat to Chad ;) ).

I guess just a week is okay. That was before Sharpay went after him though yes? Oh he really is, fabulous that is... I’ll try and find a way to fit “btw my sparkly cousin in New York wants to know where you get your boots” into a conversation. Don’t see that going well.
Forgot 2 say were doing rocky horror show at the moment. I’m not sure whats going on half the time – though not as bad as finn – but it’s kinda fun. WAY too much dancing though. No one told me there would be dancing when I signed up for glee club.
Slushied – cup of slush drink thrown at you. It’s as horrible as it sounds. And cold. And the syrup stings your eyes. And I think my shirt will be forever stained red - must remember never to wear that shirt on a day out. The guy in the red shirt is always the first one to die (Star Trek reference in case you missed it).

Gotta go, taking Quinn to a showing of Avatar tonight \o/

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

I’ll look out for you when im online – I’ll not be showing as online, hiding from Sharpay… I love her, but the peace is nice too.

I need to come down there and show this guy how to really sparkle then ;) And yes, it was before Shar tried to get her claws into him… which I’ve totally forgiven her for now, if she didn’t I wouldn’t have Chad now <3 … I just don’t tell her that it was kind of thanks to her, she would be so smug.

ROCKY HORROR?? AWESOME! Let me guess, they’ve got you playing Rocky? God I wish I could come down and see that. Your school cant be that bad, Ms D would never have let us do anything like that.

Avatar. Again? How many times is that now?
(And even I got that Star Trek reference, you’re slacking)

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

I’ll try and get online over the weekend at some point. Prob Saturday while mom is grocery shopping.

OH OH OH I TOTALLY forgot to tell you. Mr Schue keeps going on about how we’re going to Nationals. IN NEW YORK CITY! We totally have to meet up (you have to come watch us if we make it too) and you can show me around (and Kurt can take you shopping for boots!).

Yeah, I was Rocky. Though we never got it on stage in the end. Mr Schue cancelled it. Kurt reckons he only wanted us to do it because of our guidance counsiller. Last year there was “Major Drama” (Kurt’s words exactly) when Mr Schue left his wife and everyone thought he would get it on with Miss P, but now she’s seeing this dentist guy. Who ended up in the show when Mike couldn’t do it. Which is totally weird. Then Mr Schue took over Rocky from me, because I freaked out about the costume. It sucks that the world (okay, Lima) was not allowed to see the amazingness of it all. Everyone was fantastic. Quinn played a Magenta and Kurt ROCKED as Riff-Raff (did I get that right?)

Oh SMACK DOWN on hockey dudes, they cornered one of the cheerleaders and their coach practically made them weep with terror. That doesn’t take much, Coach Sylvester is SCARY man. And crazy. Look up Sues Corner on youtube and see what we have to face EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Quinn fell asleep during Avatar. :( TENTH time baby (not counting dvd of course)

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Sorry it’s been a few days since my last mail. The Redhawks were up for a game so naturally I had to go and show my support for Albuquerque. That was Friday (yeah, they kinda lost), and they didn’t go back until Sunday evening. Nearly TWO WHOLE DAYS with Chad. Lets just say I’ve been smiling more than normal today ;)

Would be great if you guys make it up to NYC. Of course I’ll show you around (be prepared to come shop as well, it wouldn’t be right for me to kidnap Kurt and not take you too!)…

So your school does kind of suck then. Shame you didn’t get to do it up on stage properly, nothing beats the buzz of performing with everyone cheering you. We’ve been doing some performances here but nothing big, I kind of miss the madness of the musicals. Even when it meant dealing with Sharpay and all her drama.

Okay, that is one scary scary woman. Are you sure you should be dating a cheerleader? Especially the head cheerleader.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Of course you just went to the game to show home state support ;)
Glad you had a good weekend :)

Shopping. Fun. Remind me to tell Mr Schue I won’t be allowed out of the state afterall… just kidding… even shopping would be fun with my best cousin (I’d just slow you and Kurt down, as long as you brought him back in one piece kurtnapping would be fine).

Coach Sylvester is nothing compared to Quinn’s ex, Puck. He’s just got out of Juvie and I’m pretty sure he wants to kill me now. HELP. I mean I’m totally not scared of him or whatever, but the dude tried to steal an ATM from a store. In his mothers car. I’m so screwed.
(Kurt says that Puck’s bark is worse than his bite and it’ll all be fine, I’m not convinced. Mainly because he was smirking when he was saying it, there was definitely something he wasn’t telling me there. Quinn just gets pissed if I bring it up, but then Quinn gets pissed at a lot of things I bring up.)

I’ve attatched a couple of videos for you :)

<< timewarp.avi 53mb >>
<< football1.avi 20mb >>

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Haha, I’ve forwarded the football video to Chad, looks crazy to me but he thinks its pretty cool.

Time warp looks WOW. You guys are brilliant, you’ll be in NYC for nationals for sure if you perform like that. You totally cheated on the Rocky costume, if I’d been there I’d have asked for my money back ;) Youre right, Kurt is a great Riff-Raff (and he’s cute, you never said he was cute). Which of the girls is Quinn? I know you said she was Magenta, which one?

And I’d hope I’m your best cousin, with shar as the only competition.

Writing this hoping you’ve not been killed. For your sake I hope Kurt is right! Guy sounds scary. Am sure none of that ever happened at East High. Is this what usually goes on in high school? Have we been missing out all this time? NYC is insane compared with back home but I was expecting that.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Believe me, when we roll Artie out onto the field the other team looks at us like were crazy. But it works. Coach thinks theyre too scared of hurting him more to attack. Artie thinks it’s hilarious. Though he’s not got his girl back yet – which was kind of the point.

Thanks, Artie got the AV club to get that filmed for us, its cool to have something to look back at – Rachel uses it ALL the time to try and tell everyone what they are doing wrong, but we all pretty much ignore her. Even finn.
I know I cheated, the original was TIGHT man. Like anyone in the room were gonna get a real show if you get my meaning. Quinn is the singing Magenta (the other is Santana).
Kurt was so creepy as Riff-Raff, it was kind of freaky – and not cute, you’re so strange sometimes. Although he was wearing very tight jeans so perhaps you had noticed that instead ;) He’s usually far cuter than that. And not bald.

I’m still alive. Puck’s been really chilled out about the whole thing, muttered something about not getting anything anyway and went off with Artie. Which is good. I guess. Alive is good. He’s come back to glee club, which is a good thing I think. At least we have an even number of guys and girls now for dancing (ew) and stuff. We did a boys versus girls thing this week, which was kinda cool even though we were singing girl songs... spent a lot of time with Kurt trying to sort out our costumes and stuff. Thanks to him we all looked fantastic in our suits, even though I do say so myself, naturally he looked the best but that doesn’t take much really (we could be all dressed in sacks and he would still shine). And we didn’t match all that well. But it got everyone smiling.

Gotta go, Rachel has demanded we rehearse more – sectionals are coming up apparently. She seems to think it’s a big deal. All I know is were up against some all boys school, like theyre gonna be any good, they’ll be too busy screwing each other to rehearse.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

I still think it’s crazy. But if it’s winning you guys games then it’s good I guess. Sad for him he’s not got his girl back.

That’s cool, send me more video’s if you get them? I’d love to see them. Rachel sounds too much like Sharpay though – is that the one who scared the girl off before you joined? Quinn looks nice, though hard to tell with that wig on of course! I’m guessing she’s blonde.

Yeah, alive is good. Perhaps his time away has tamed him?

Good luck with sectionals. Beware of those boys, just because that’s what went on at your school it doesn’t mean they are all the same ;) They might surprise you.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: A Question

Sam
I might be totally off the track here but, you like Kurt don’t you?

Ryan.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Answering two emails in one here.

I’ll see if any of the guys have more videos, we will get sectionals recorded though (so Rachel can yell at us some). Yeah Rachel is the scary one. She’s crazy but fantastic. Am learning to just stop listening when she rants (I don’t think even Mr Schue really listens to her most of the time).

ONE WEEK TIL SECTIONALS!!! OMG freaking out. Everyone is going crazy over it now. It’s crazy, every practise has us more terrified, how do you stay calm man? And please, none of Sharpays breathing things.

Kurt’s cool, of course I like him. Even though he could out geek you over broadway I am sure.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

NOT what I meant Sam. You LIKE him like him right?
And now I’m going to have mix tape stuck in my head all week.

Stay calm? Not possible. Just focus on the songs and the dance steps and enjoy it. Don’t pay attention to what the other groups are doing and definitely DON’T try and picture the crowd naked. That’s too scary for words.

GOOD LUCK! Not that you’ll need it.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

You know I have NO idea of that reference right? But yeah, I think I kind of do.

TOMORROW. OH CRAP.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: \o/

WE WON!!!!!

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Oh Sam, my poor unenlightened cousin. We so need to educate you in the BASICS of Broadway. How are you in Show Choir and still so clueless? Even Chad would have picked up on Avenue Q references.
You know where I am if you want to talk about it.

Awesome news on the win. You know I want more details than that though.

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Avenue Q? That’s the puppets one right? We don’t just sing show tunes here. Thankfully.
Do I tell him? I can’t tell if he likes me or is just being friendly half the time. Quinn and I split up at Sectionals (because there always has to be some sort of drama going on), very friendly break up, why cant they all be like that?

Sorry, was just a quick note before we went out to celebrate (movie night at Kurt and Finns). We won, the boys school were second, I really thought they were going to beat us, they were amazing. We did Seasons of Love, One of Us and Kurt and Rachel did a duet of Happy days are here again and Get Happy. I think they won it for us. No one in their right minds would vote for anyone else after that. Hopefully I’ll have video for you in a few days, Kurt’s dad recorded it all for us.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Talk to him, maybe invite him out for coffee after a rehearsal, get him away from the others and talk to him. Maybe tell him about your old school and stuff, give him a bit of a hint you like boys too. See how it goes from there?
I think a friendly break up is a sign that it wasn’t all that big? I’ve not got much practise with that, and I don’t want it.

Crazy celebration ;)
That sounds a great set list, can’t wait to see the videos. And hey, there’s a nice conversation starter for you and Kurt, you can ask him for video for your wonderful cousin in NYC!

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

It was a good celebration… though Santana said we are all lame and she’s going to have a proper party for us at the weekend. So if you don’t hear from me for a while it went mental and I’ve been grounded ;)
Videos attatched :D

Thanks for that BTW. Got videos for you off Kurt. As soon as I said where you were he demanded to know all about what you’re doing up there and started on all the shows he wants to see and Nationals being there. So kind of didn’t get to talk to him about anything I really wanted to.

Everyone is already freaking out over Regionals. All about revenge on Vocal Adrenaline who beat us last year.

<< rachelkurt.avi >>
<< group1.avi >>
<< group2.avi >>

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Enjoy the party. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t ;)

You guys really are amazing. Your seasons of love is beautiful. Thank you for the video’s. Looking forward to seeing you perform at Nationals (because with performances like that you WILL make it).

I’m sorry? You can get him to email me if you don’t want to be answering all the NYC questions (or for those Show related ones that confuse your poor “blonde” mind).

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Party sucked.

Kissed Kurt.

He slapped me.

Puck punched me.

Turns out Kurt’s been dating him pretty much all year, told no one. Now I have a black eye and am probably going to be dead as soon as Puck finds me without Kurt around.

SUCKS.

Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
To: Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

Oh Sam :(

Sam Evans < sam_i_am94@gmail.com >
To: Ryan Evans < jazzsquare92@gmail.com >
Subject: RE:Hey man.

:(

Tags:

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
lizbuf
Nov. 11th, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
Sneeeeeeeeeeaky PuckKurt! Though I did think it might go there from the earlier smirk.

But yay, you wrote it! I miss Ryan.
fissijo
Nov. 12th, 2010 07:04 pm (UTC)
I miss Ryan too. And Chad. Heck, occasionally even Troy.

I had to sneak some Puckurt in there.
lizbuf
Nov. 14th, 2010 03:07 pm (UTC)
Now Troy is taking it a step too far...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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